A gentle update
Finally, I got the time to sit and pen this down!
Between early March when the missile strikes began where my family members live and the dwindling sleep schedule I had in Ramadhan, followed by a chaotic Eid trip back home and then another trip down the memory lane in Borneo left me reeling. I am so exhausted physically, but emotionally and mentally fulfilled.
I could go for another round of napping, but I wanted to at least get this out of the way.
Happy to announce that my Substack is where I'll post my book reviews and thoughts, for free! Subscription is only for those who want to support monetarily and access the longer essays related to orientalism and decolonisation in media.
Despite the smear campaign and online harassment I face from certain members I met in the roleplay community, I still want to show up for my roleplay site. The hobby is a hobby, it is not grounds for accusing an entire community for what a handful few choose to act as.
I am so, so, so hopelessly down bad for my crush, and I'm so happy for it anyway. I don't know if it's mutual. I don't know if it'll end up anywhere. I'm just happy to speak to him and pray for him. And on occasions, to have my thoughts be perceived by them. I know, I'm in my 30s and yet here I am. To be fair, I do have shadow work to do (such as working towards the belief that I deserve love, regardless of my state).
Colonisation is a topic that runs deep in my blood. I realise the reason why I didn't grow up reading the same "classics" as people around me was because my parents are just as rooted. My mother LOVES local mythologies, and working towards her own archive of books pertaining them. My dad's essential reads are focused on colonisation, colonial diaries, thrillers and non-fiction. It's no wonder I turned out the way that I am!
I grew up around islands and beaches. It dawned on me just how safe being near the sea feels like, and it made me realise that I know there is a home near the sea waiting for me. That is to say, I am not quite where I'm meant to be yet.
I have a lot of work to do regarding my novelette that I drafted throughout my dissertation phase. I haven't been doing active editing work, but my travels recently made me thought about how I needed the trips to truly embody certain scenes I did not do justice.
My foresight and intuition are both my weapon.
Butter by Asako Yuzuki is an essential read for feminists or activists of women's rights. I'm so glad it has been translated for English readers.