it's annoying when people worry about me
I have tried to make this sound as graceful as possible when I confront people about it, but I don't think there is any way.
This is no secret to anyone who's known me for a decade or even less so: I've spent majority of my adulthood living alone and even before that. However, this isn't about the story of my being a self-sustainer.
It's the story of how infantilising it feels when people express concern for me when it comes to extremely basic things: getting sick, being hospitalised, or even for not replying to their texts - all instead of asking if I've been busy, or asking me what could have led to me getting sick.
On top of that, it offloads the mental labour to me - now I have to reassure them, on top of getting back on my feet. The same way "let me know what I can do for you" does.
I understand that the other end of the reaction is to "let people be" and therein comes the duality of people with resilience: empty concern infantilises them, but there are those who want care and compassion. For most independent people, they are often left to their devices to solve their problems.
What can we do when the people around us are already self-sustaining, resilient and independent?
Personally, I want to be left alone. I already have the support system when it comes to basic needs and survival and I'm extremely selective about who I choose to be vulnerable with. When it comes to health, I would have already considered ways to manage in immediate terms, to my best capacity.
But others who may want support would like it if you checked in, just a nudge. Have small talk with them, maybe order food delivery or bring it home to them. Heck, even buying a small thing off their wishlist, or something you believe would benefit their health can help. But ask them first, and start with the check-in.
Now let me go be a cranky hag. Alone.