On being a villain in another's story
Content warning: strong and vulgar quoted language
If there is anything I'm deeply familiar with, it is being the villain in another person's story.
I've seen what they say: I am the "unreasonable" one, the "insufferable stupid cunt" , the "irrational, crazy ex" at some point. Behind my back, chances are I've been associated with being the selfish, privileged one, or the snob, and hey, maybe even more.
At some point before, it did hurt.
And perhaps as a reader you'd think "surely you've done something to earn such names, right?" and I would nod. I'm sure it's because I said something.
It started when I was a teenager, when someone purposely tried to provoke me. Eventually she pushed enough buttons, I climbed onto her and pulled her scarf. Then it persisted in pre-university, where I was isolated because I spoke English and came from an international school. Then it started getting increasingly personal: people didn't get lunch money from me, they got tuition money out of me. People didn't like how I tried to explain the chronological order of my experiences, because it meant humanising someone they didn't like, so they projected their insecurity on me. People didn't like how I made decisions based on their information and even asked them in good faith, they tested me without letting me know there was a test, and proceeded to slander me because I "failed".
It's gotten to a point where I've seen it all, and I can already predict what will happen. This post, if perceived by any of these people, will be considered as an attempt at controlling the narrative. This post, if perceived, will be seen as a slight, and a smear campaign despite no names being named, because how dare Chou say anything?
All Chou does is smear everyone around them. Chou is ungrateful and stupid. Chou doesn't realise how good we've been to them. Chou doesn't understand that we've given them chances to make do. Chou should have been more understanding and not say anything that would hurt us, but they did, so let's stalk them and laugh about their problems. Chou hides behind their articulation, but they're actually a terrible person.
I'm sure I'm not blameless. I'm sure there were many things I could have asked in order to gain clarity on expectations of how I should have behaved. I'm sure I could have "known better", whether it be to obey, or disengage earlier.
So really, what's the point of this post?
Some conscience I have left, I imagine. Often, there are conversations about being the "villain", but they remain vague and general. No one wants to share how it has happened to them or what kind of stories they have - granted, no one is owed that - but I want to acknowledge these behaviours.
So that everyone who has said these things know that I will not forget.