reflection as a photographer.
Let me begin with the fact that I do not, in any way, consider myself to be a professional photographer.
I don't even know what some photography terms mean. Sure, I joined the basic photography class from Nikon but that was it. I joined my high school's Photography Club and that was it. I'm still learning, both the theory and its practice.
I cheated and used my phone camera back then, I refused to use a digital camera. Even though in actual truth, phone camera was banned. And guess what exactly planted the seed of interest in phtography? A video game. It was Fatal Frame that got me interested. I was intrigued by the horror, and by the antique design of Camera Obscura.
How much sillier can I be? "You really want to try out being a photographer because of a survival horror game that uses photography as its gameplay mechanic?" YES, I DID. And it's silly, but it was a good kind of silly. To this day I still enjoy watching people play Fatal Frame, revel in its lore and how it is tied to Japanese rituals and culture, but still remain as purely fiction.
Anyway, I'm not here to talk about a video game.
I've seen people make fun of those who actually got themselves a DSLR, and for calling themselves photographers. That's true. They are photographers, but beginner, learning photographers. And that's okay! They want to learn and they could afford the most basic equipment! Great for them! Don't make fun of them. It's how every professional out there started. Don't demotivate others before they even get to try.
As for me, personally, I don't even consider myself good. I still struggle to get the right sharpness and focus because my current go-to lens has fixed zoom. I also edited the settings for the viewfinder to suit my vision power, and that must have changed throughout the last few years and I haven't done anything to change it, so it might appear sharp in the viewfinder, when in truth the picture it captures is a little blurry. That is my fault, I'm still trying to get by and adapt. I take responsibility for every mistake I make in my photographs.
But I do, personally, feel I have hit a certain milestone in my development as a photographer.
I have abandoned it, since all I had was the default lens, and my photography niche is mostly focused on macro and bokeh - it did not feel very motivating, and I had no set goals, or no opportunity to realise my niche. And there was a time when I probably didn't even touch my camera for at least a year. But then last year, my sister suggested buying a certain lens, she pitched in, and slowly from there - I came back in touch with the photographer in me, a true beginner.
So when asked to take photographs for event, I can't not accept them - because I was starting to love something again, starting to develop myself outside of my drawing, writing ang singing. I got to do something where I move, and capture moments. I don't know why I was chosen, it was probably a random thing, and I certainly doubt it's because of my Instagram gallery. (Here's to hoping that maybe someday my follower count will go up and beyond!) Still, they were chances I couldn't simply refuse.
So starting from the 25th of March, which is really recent - I decided that I can share and spread love through candid photos. Through little moments that are captured from an artificial lens. They weren't /always/ beautiful, not always, but I'm not here to capture perfection, I'm here to capture beauty - beauty that some people do not realise they possess, beauty that is often overlooked. I want to remind peopple that there is more than just being ready for the camera, that in vulnerability and uncertainty, there is beauty.
Know that when a photographer turns their lens to you, remain calm, and do not let yourself be overtaken by awkwardness or the self-consciousness that makes you think that you might look "ugly" in the photos. No, you won't. You don't.
There is no such thing as ugliness, and even if there is, there is beauty present in it, because they both exist on the same spectrum.