shifting to outlines on old notebooks
I've started writing my story outlines in my old notebooks as opposed to typing them out.
While working on my dissertation, I tried writing out full scenes by hand, and because I hadn't been writing physically consistently then, it was actually painful, and became a drag. It was too difficult.
I rediscovered old corporate notebooks I received from my days as a journalist and of course, at the time I was also very selective about my notebooks. I kept the ones with more subdued logos, plain lined pages rather than diaries. I gave away those I didn't think I'd use, even made it a farewell gift for a coworker I got close to once. One of the notebooks I still kept, is a blue hardcover with yellow-tinted pages, and I thought "this reminds me of Persona 3, so I'll use it for my OCs' Persona AU". I decorated the cover, just enough to remind me of Persona 3 a little more.
Why Persona 3? It is my most favourite out of all and not just because of Mitsuru Kirijo--but because the topic of death and exploring the loss of life and the world, while navigating school was one of the more important themes I felt myself teetering with way back when. The experience of living in a co-ed dorm, difficult feelings for one's parents, all were themes that resonated with me from Persona 3.
I brought this notebook to my recent short hospital stay, and in it I wrote character profiles like I used to as a teenager, and it had given me so much joy just to be able to write them physically. The flow state is so much easier to achieve. It sparked joy to get to know my characters, and writing it out feels that much more personal, than typing it out.
It wasn't until the past three nights that I started writing the outline, from chapter one, and now starting chapter eleven. Though barebones in comparison to trying to write fully, I feel a sense of achievement (no matter how stupid, or unoriginal this AU feels in the grand scheme of things I want to write), that I have now hit the halfway point of the notebook. It is by no means the halfway point of the story, but filling out a notebook feels like I am finally living the life where I don't have to waste another thing in this large house, whether it be sending it to a landfill, or simply leaving it to rot.
Part of the reason why I started decorating old notebooks to give it a sense of renewal is knowing I need to be more mindful about how I spend money on my stationeries, and also how much I have received, yet that doesn't change the fact that trees have been spent to make these papers. I treasure paper. And with the amount of logging happening worldwide, eventually people will believe there is no need for paper, because we will become more digitally-inclined.
But I don't want that.
I want a world where I can feel the pen on paper, and still see a green, green world.