The least impressive thing about me is that I have completed my Master's
Right after I posted a photo of myself in my graduation robe, a younger lady commented that she found me "inspiring". She also told me to wish her future endeavours well, and that she would like to "have a Master's like sis (Chou) did!"
The part that makes me smile is that this is someone who has received a scholarship/sponsorship from a major local company, and that means she's beyond outstanding in her academics. As for me though, it's been made very clear that my life of privilege has made me "complacent" in terms of academics, especially in the eyes of my less privileged relatives and cousins who pursue the heights of STEM.
Objectively speaking though, it's only that I pursued creative arts that I appear "complacent", and that wasn't supported for as long as I'd known, only perceived as a "hobby" or "matter of expression", but considered as unsustainable as a career. Having struggled in an out of my career in the past five years since my major job as a journalist, I understand why.
But having now completed my Master's, sifted through countless upskilling programmes and interviews; my resolve to become a creative has only been strengthened.
I had begun to wonder if I'm just made for the wrong time, for the wrong people, and maybe I'm just not needed this in this world anymore - what with my near extreme views regarding genAI, genocide, capitalism and colonisation. I had begun to believe that maybe, I am the "insufferable, stupid cunt" people have made me out to be, or that I've lived a life too privileged to notice hard work needs discipline.
Is it so wrong though? Is it so wrong to want to exist as a creative? As someone who will be proud of their own work, and not having to be the writer behind closed doors while other people and brands get the credits and visibility?
Is it so wrong to believe that maybe, writing is a skill that needs to be developed, and so does the thinking around it?
Nearly half a year has passed: and I've launched my MFRP Grandtrail, I've started a Substack for real, I've converted my writing portfolio into a creative portfolio, going all in on the creative side of me who loves colours, and some graphics, and some whimsy. Though I have to say, I don't know where I would be today without my own choice to pursue my inner child's dream.
It was only when I started my Master's that I realised how much I neglected that kid. So my whimsy began to return: I started a travel/junk journal, I started journalling, I reestablished contact with people I consider to be inspiring, I evaluate the people that I want to keep in touch with in my life.
It's been a progressive path. It doesn't come all at once. But being true to myself comes in pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, and acknowledging where I began to lose myself.
That's why earning my Master's is the least impressive thing about me.
It's the fact that I chose my inner child, and nurtured them, and searched for my own place to belong, rather than hoping to fit where I don't. It's more than just the paper, but that every day, despite my eczema, despite what people said about me - that I said "I'll finish this. It's not that I want the certificate, it's that I want this novella, this proof of concept, to exist. It's not the results, I just want these poems to be real, and seen by another real person."
And of course, none of these would be eas(ier) without the support of the people who keep choosing to acknowledge my voice, my faults and my goodness, and those who ensure that I can keep pursuing that path.
It's me.
I had to embrace my own path of creativity and to support the humanities in my own way, despite the people telling me no.
And to that young girl, I'm glad that I have inspired her. I'm sure that her path is a different one than mine, but if I have inspired someone to truly embrace their strengths and to progress, than I have played the role I wanted to.